


I got you stuck in my head, isn't it funny?

by InspiredPet



Category: Joker (2019)
Genre: Dominance, F/M, Joker being Joker, NSFW, Porn With Plot, Sex, Smut, kind of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-15
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:07:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21645760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InspiredPet/pseuds/InspiredPet
Summary: You're locked in Arkham State Hospital. You've met Arthur Fleck during a group therapy, you exchanged looks with him and sometimes smiles, but you didn't real talk with each other, he was too shy to approach you and you wanted to keep your guard up in a place like this, so you kinda avoided him. Later on, he left the hospital, while you stayed until the present day. Almost half a year passed by and you forgot about Arthur, but he didn't forget about you.
Relationships: Joker/Reader, Joker/You
Kudos: 45





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It supposed to be short without much of a plot, but it expanded on something bigger. Anyway I hope you'll enjoy it. :)

You were rolling over for hours, couldn't sleep at all. Your eyelids were heavy and your face buried deeper into a pillow, because you couldn't find a position that would help you relax your body, so if you suffocated yourself then maybe you'd fall asleep. Or at least loose your conscious, that would be close enough.

  
You turned again on your back, eyes wide open as you looked blankly at the ceiling, counting seconds of how long you could last without blinking. You knew, you could call for a nurse and ask her to give you sleeping pills, but you were locked in an isolation room and to get anyone here in the middle of the night, required having to make a lot of noise and screaming, and you would risk to be strapped to the bed later for insubordination. Even though you'd **asked** for seclusion, hospital staff didn't give a single shit whether someone was locked there under duress or voluntarily, you didn't behave - they strapped you down.

  
34 seconds.

  
Why did you ask for isolation? Because you liked it here - the silent, the solitude, having your own room, and no one was disturbing you with crying or screaming. You were far away from everyone.

You shifted your body on a side and shut your eyes, counting your breath leaving your nostrils, your muscles slowly let go of any tension that had been hid inside your body, and you felt like you were finally able to drift into a sweet oblivion.

The time stopped ticking and you didn't know how long you'd been lying in that almost sleeping state, unaware of your surroundings. It was until your ears caught a slightly noise coming somewhere around you and you fought with your conscious to stay asleep, but your eyes blinked open pulling you out of the dreamless land. You raised your head off the pillow trying to recognize the sound, it was a low rustle from the other side of the room, just behind the closed door. Maybe it was a nurse walking down the hallway checking if everything was okey. You blinked few times more, but whoever was making the noise didn't go away. They were standing right behind the door, you could only see a shadow through the crack moving around, and hear steps walking from left to right and right to left as if someone was uncertain whether to knock or go away.

At this point you knew it couldn't be a nurse.

The steps stopped for a second, making you think that the person maybe decided to leave you alone, but suddenly you heard a rustling sound somewhere near the door-knob and with one simple move the lock being turned open. You jumped out of the bed right away, ready to get to the switch to turn the lights on, but the door jiggled open, paralyzing you with the light coming from the hallway. You covered your face with your hand glancing through your fingers to the silhouette looming at the doorway. You couldn't see their face nor the clothes under this angle, it was like you were looking at the shadow, not a real person. You felt dizzy and it was cause both from jumping out of the bed too fast and pills that you'd been taking only at night due to their side effects like dizziness.

As when you thought this couldn't get any more frightening and surreal, the lights in your room had been switched on, drenching you and the other person with a white almost painful glow. You blinked and lower your hand slightly trying to see who were you dealing with, who was that someone that got into the isolation room in the middle of the night.

The vision became less and less blurred, but the spinning wheels in your head just picked up some speed, leaving you even more woozy than before.

A clown.

You saw a clown? You put your hand down and narrowed your eyes. A fucking clown was standing in front of you grinning at you, obviously amused probably by the dumbstruck look on your face. Were you dreaming? Maybe it was one of your very realistic dreams you sometimes had? Could be, you didn't know any clown inside the asylum and for sure you didn't know any clown outside of its walls.

Oh, and the clown closed the door and was now coming your way, covering the distance in few quick steps, taking your face between his hands, tilting your head up and placing a soft gentle kiss on your lips. You closed your eyes out of habit, letting him feather your lips with more soft kisses. They were as gentle as compassionate, as innocent as inappropriate. If you were sleeping and dreaming a weird sex dream why did they feel inappropriate?

You opened your eyes just as he done showering your lips with affection. He looked at you smiling, tears were forming in the corners of his eyes and he brushed your cheeks with his thumbs.

\- I missed you.

It was that moment when you looked him in the eye and heard his soft voice that you recognize who were hiding behind the painting on his face.

\- Arthur?

He nodded and his smile got wider as if hearing his name from your mouth made him somehow happier. For you, saying his name, on the other hand, made you become more awake and less dizzy. You realized this wasn't a dream and the man you knew from a group therapy, that had left months ago, was right now standing in front of you in a full clown costume.

But why though? Why was he here and why had he kissed you? You weren't lovers, heck, you weren't even friends. You just knew each other from therapy sessions, where you and bunch of other patients had been learning how to live back in society. You and Arthur hadn't really talked with each other, you'd only exchanged looks and sometimes smiles, but you'd only smiled back at him because you'd been trying to be polite. You might have even shared some thoughts about his depression during one of the sessions, but not because you'd **wanted to** , you'd just been **asked** by a doctor to say something.

You took a step back from him, trying to recreate the distance that had been between you, trying to look at the bigger picture, connect the dots to understand what was going on here, but nothing made any sense. Arthur, the shy, reserved guy, as a clown getting into the isolation room in the middle of the night kissing you and telling you that he'd missed you? You felt confused as hell.

Arthur must had noticed that, cause he leaned forward, his hands still cupping your face, and he placed a comforting kiss on your forehead. 

\- Arthur..

\- It's Joker now.

You glanced up at him furrowed your eyebrows. You didn't understand any of this shit. Or maybe you were losing your mind completely?

He caressed your cheek with his thumb while the other hand slightly slid down to the side of your neck. 

\- I know it's confusing, but I promise I'll explain that to you later, I'll tell you everything.

The way he said he'd tell you everything, like he was seeing an old best friend and couldn't wait to tell her what had been happening with him when he'd been away. He was so **excited** , it made you feel somewhat guilty for not being able to catch up with him.

\- Aren't you happy to see me, babydoll? 

You opened your mouth but you didn't know what to say at the nickname he'd given you. Your hand slowly moved up to his and you gently grabbed his wrist pulling his hand away from your cheek.You didn't feel any resistance from him, he just let you take his hand away. His other hand was still on you however, resting on your shoulder as his fingers caressed the side of your neck.

\- It's surprising to see you here, how did you...

\- I know - he interrupted you, not letting you ask the question, probably because he didn't want to answer it.

You felt stupid just standing like that in front of him, only in your blue pajamas and with your mouth desperately searching for the right words you could use to get out of this uncomfortable situation. You looked into his eyes and God, if they weren't full of admiration and longing. He looked at you as if trying to remember you by heart.

\- I've missed you so much, there wasn't a day when I wasn't thinking about you - he said in a soft voice - I got you stuck in my head, isn't it funny?

You couldn't find anything funny about it, till now you didn't even know that Arthur had a crush on you.

\- I didn't mean to... I didn't mean myself stuck in your head.

He chuckled and his fingers stopped caressing the sensitive spot on your neck as his hand moved at the back of your head pulling you closer to him. Before you had a chance to say something, your lips was sealed with his in a passionate kiss. This time it wasn't an innocent soft one he'd given you before. This one was hungry. Not rough but demanding. He brushed his mouth onto yours using his tongue to part your lips and slip inside, entwined his tongue with yours. Your own hands, first so unsure of what to do, were now moving up to his face, one sinking in his green hair, the other resting on his cheek. If you'd been lost and confused before because of his unexpected visit, now you got yourself lost into his kiss. And this one took your breath away and you didn't object when he wrapped his hand around your waist, making your body pressed onto his. You wriggled a bit as you felt something hard pressing onto your belly.

Fuck. You'd seen how excited he was, but you hadn't realized how much **aroused** until now. How could you not thought about if before? Arthur... Joker, whoever the hell he was now, hadn't come here just to say hi and kiss you, he'd come here to fuck you as well.

The lower half of your body was trying to pull back, getting away from his hard member, but he kept you close, not letting you go of his embrace.

You felt your cheeks turning red and your lips were already overstimulated, but he kept kissing you like he'd die if he didn't. You had to break the kiss somehow and you felt like you didn't have any choice other than do it in a painful way. So you sucked his lower lip into your mouth and used your teeth to bite it, clamping them harder onto his red skin, just hard enough for him to pull away. But he didn't move the slightest, didn't even groan in pain, just letting you do your thing. You could taste a bitter blood on you tongue and you realized that your plan was stupid and destined to fail, for he probably wouldn't stop you no matter how hard would you bite, maybe even he liked it in some way. 

You counted to three and with no reaction from him, you pulled away, placing both of your hands on his chest, leaning back as far as you could. You both were panting, your lips were all red and swollen and on his lower lip was a streak of fresh blood. The look in his eyes didn't change much, it got much more darker though, more longing than before, and lust were glowing from them, making you blush in bewildered.

His cock twitched inside his pants and he quickly glanced at the bed behind you. You didn't have to follow his gaze to know what he was thinking.

\- Arthur, I don't think this is a good time...

\- Shhh, my little one - he put his index finger on your mouth - We've got planty of time, believe me.

He wouldn't leave this room without getting what he wanted. He was so determined and confident to get it, to get **you** , that you couldn't believe this man was really Arthur. What had happened to him?

The hand on your lower back moved aside to your waist as he pushed you lightly onto the bed. You landed on your ass, bouncing on a mattress. He quickly removed his red jacket and took off his shoes, and climbed onto the bed, kneeling over you, your legs trapped between his. His fingers working with buttons on his vest but his eyes locked on you, wandering from your embarrassed face down to your breast and lower to strings of your pants. He looked very attractive and dominant from your point of view, enchanting even. It was clearly an absurd how wet you became right now. You could feel a familiar sensation in your lower parts, a pleasant small vibration inside of you.

Once he got rid of his yellow vest, he climbed on top of you propping himself on his hands, forcing you to lay down beneath him. His pupils were dilated, mixing with the dark green, and you found it difficult to look him in the eye right now. He smiled at you and separated your legs by putting his knee between them.

\- Did you miss me too?

His question made you hold your breath. How could you say no? He wouldn't accept that for an answer.

\- Arthur...

\- Joker - he leaned down and kissed your forehead, forgiving you your silly mistake.

\- Joker... I've missed you, yes - you lied - But I don't think we should be doing this, we don't know each other that much.

\- How can you say that? - his eyebrows furrowed slightly - We **do** know each other, I know your favourite colour, where you went to school, that you prefer pancakes over waffles at breakfast, that you were raised only by your mother... And you know things about me too.

Right, but... - you didn't know how to explain him that learning things about each other on the group therapy and actually knowing someone were two different things. He shouldn't supposed to remember those things about you. Everything said on the group therapy should have stayed on the group therapy, and he'd broken that rule, taking these information about you with him, outside the hospital.

Your hesitation must have taken him off guard, as he looked at you with confusion visible on his face, like he was trying to figure out why weren't you excited to see him at the same level as he was. But his consternation didn't last very long, for he leaned down closer to you and started kissing your face. His lips were soon everywhere, brushing over your cheeks, nose, forehead and jaw, before he kissed you on the mouth. His right hand slipped under your shirt, and it was cold against your warm skin, sending you shivers down your spine. He probably thought that being gentle with you would help you relax. And, to your surprise, it actual worked, you felt your body relaxing under his touch, almost melting. You kissed him back and his hand moved up to grab your boob, and finding a nipple, he rolled it between his fingers and you had to hold back a soft moan from escaping your mouth. You closed your eyes as you tilted your head aside, giving him access to kiss your neck and so he did, kissing and nibbling a spot under your jaw down to your collarbone. Your shirt was rolled up exposing your breast and you opened your eyes to look down at him already kissing your breastbone. Your cheeks turned red at this sight, you still were in your pajamas, but felt practically naked before him.

He hummed as he cupped sides of your boobs and moved his mouth to the left, his hot breath winded around your nipple before he wrapped it with his mouth and sucked it gently, poked it with his tongue.

It'd been a very long time since you let somebody caress your body this way, since you had a chance to have sex, and god how much you missed it. 

You were so touch starved that even this light foreplay of Joker sucking and licking your nipples was enough to get you lightheaded and left you wanting for more. You tried not to squirm nor moan to not show him how much turned on you were already. You bit your lower lip and gripped the sheets underneath you, not realizing that Joker was observant enough to see those little attempts of yours to keep your body reactions under control. He smirked at that as he quickly grabbed your pants and took them off, throwing them away, before you had a chance to react.

You gasped and jerked your legs trying to pull them together, but he kept your knees separated with his hands and all you could do was lying down naked, giving him a very good look at your wet needing pussy.

\- Perfect - he said as his eyes travelled all over your body, his hands rested on your knees and you wonder if he could feel them trembling - You're perfect.

He smiled as he leaned down to you, his lips went back where they were before, worshiping your breast for some time, before he slowly started sliding down on you, kissing your stomach and abdomen.

Your grip on the sheet tightened as you watched him hovering over your clit now, breathing out onto your sensitive spot. Suddenly he snapped his eyes up to meet your gaze and you quickly threw your head back on the mattress, but not quick enough for him to miss the cute view of how much your cheeks turned into bright red.

He hummed again and you could feel his wet gentle kisses on both of your inner tights teasing with you for a while, before he pressed his lips onto your clit. His tongue licked your button, as he got a first glimpse of what you tasted like. It must have made him eager for more, because he slid his tongue lower to your wet entrance and he licked you all the way up.

You bit your lower lip and closed your eyes, letting out a deep breath you hadn't even known you were holding. It turned into a soft moan, but it felt so good you couldn't help it. You gave in to him.

You reached down with your hand and rested it on his head, combining your fingers with his green hair. His slow almost agonizing teasing with you, gentle sucking and licking with just a tip of his tongue, only very close to your entrance, but never quite there, was driving you crazy and put you totally out of control.

\- P-please - you heard yourself begging.

He chuckled, but he didn't plan to torture you this way and deny your orgasm, he wanted to please you like you'd been never pleased before. He quitted the teasing and started eating you out vigorously, with his mouth and tongue all over your woman's parts, pressing harder onto your entrance and he moved his hands up to also play with your hard nipples.

It was all mind blowing, you could feel your body responding to his actions very intensively, building up your orgasm surprisingly quickly. You wriggled on the bed, jerking your hips up as you moaned and cursed under your breath. 

\- Fuck, I'm... Shit, so... Close. 

He did such a good job eating you out, he didn't even had to use his fingers to make a wriggling helpless mess out of you. You were already totally and ridiculously taken over by your orgasm, moaning loudly his name and arching your back as the sweet strong outburst of release was poured all over your body.

The heart in your chest was pounding loudly and you kept your eyes closed taking your time to get back to your senses. A soft kiss was pressed onto your lips and you awkwardly kissed Joker back, tasting yourself on his lips. You opened your eyes slowly just to see a big satisfied grin on his face and sparks in his eyes, he looked so **proud** of himself, and you couldn't deny, he had a right to feel this way. You put your hands on his chest and you realized you hated that he was still full clothed while you were all naked underneath him. You quickly shifted your hands and started unbuttoning his shirt. One button after another as you were reaching lower with your fast moving but a little shaky fingers. He didn't move waiting for you to unbutton the last one. Watching you carefully as your fingers brushed onto his stomach just above a waistband. He was expecting you to unbutton and unzipped his pants as well, but you were too embarrassed to do that, your boldness got you only as far as that so you stopped at unbuttoning his shirt.

He smirked and knelt up, he removed his shirt and stood before the bed to do the same with his pants, white briefs and socks. You finally could take a good look at his slim body and of course your greedy eyes get a glimpse of the shape of his cock, the size of it that you were going to let inside of you.

And it was very appealing, definitely not disappointing.

He came back to you in a second kissing you with a passion as he pressed his hard member onto your clit, rubbing himself over it. You moaned into his mouth and grabbed his hair, deepening the kiss. As embarrassed as you might felt by your own greediness and arousal, you just couldn't wait to have him inside you, to fill you up and fuck you as you wanted to be fucked for a long time. 

He must have sensed that, of course he did, cause he slid his cock down to your entrance, smearing your juice over it with a tip of his cock. You spread your legs wider and he slowly pushed into you. You had to break your kiss to that feeling, rolling your head back and moaned, a wide smile spread over your face. He was perfect, he felt **exactly** how you wanted him to, filling you up and stretching your walls in a pleasurable way, sending shivers down your spine. You didn't even need much time to adjust to his size, you were already so wet and ready for him.

He kissed your exposed neck, right under your chin, sucking at your skin, leaving there a hickey for sure, and he moved his hips back and forth as he nibbled you with his teeth. He slid his hand to your boob squeezed it gently. His movement were slow, but only for some time, he quickened his pace soon, going deeper and thrusting harder, almost frantically, which made you wonder how could he be so rough and gentle at the same time. Cause he was still gently with his kisses and occasional bites, though he fucked you quite fast and thoroughly, putting one of his hand on the top of your head and the other grabbing your hip to hold you in place.

Your nails were scratching patterns on his back as you moaned louder into his ear. Your legs were up in the air letting him push into you even deeper and you kissed him avidly with your tongue dancing with his. He broke the kiss and you looked each other into the eyes before he buried his head into your neck and by the way his thrusting became more and more rapid and urgent, you knew he was close to finish. You weren't surprised at all, you'd reached your climax also very soon and he wanted this just as much as you, though little did you know how much touch starved and longing for intimacy he was, you could only imagine.

His pace slowed down to more deeper and erratic thrusts as his shaft pushed farther in couple of times more, had him growling into your neck. He came with one final powerful thrust, unable to hold back anymore. The warm fluid filled you up in long hot squirts as he held you in a tight grip, weighted you down with his body.

You slowly and carefully put your feet onto the bed, and well, if your legs hadn't been trembling before, they definitely were now, and you were grateful you didn't have to stand right now, for you were sure, you would fall down immediately.

You and Joker were breathing heavily and you noticed how in sync you were - your chests were going up and down at the same time.

\- Sorry - he whispered apologizing for weighting you down as he moved up and to your own displeasure, he pulled out of you. You pouted because even though his cock was getting soft now, you still wanted him inside you. Without him filling your walls, you felt... incomplete.

You looked at him as he lied down beside you with his eyes closed, his chest lifting up and down, in that blissful state of afterglow, the one you had after a good shag. 

You couldn't not notice how good he looked from his profile, especially when you looked at the line of his jaw and his narrow nose. With most of his clown painting being rubbed off of his face, he again looked more like Arthur that you once knew and seeing that familiar face made you feel safe.

And probably you were now more covered in his paints than he was, which made you chuckle.

Your hand was found and grabbed by his as he turned his head to you and opened his eyes, smiling. You smiled back and he shifted to kiss your forehead before he pulled you close. You rested your head onto his chest and he wrapped his hands around you. You didn't know what to expect from him from now on, you'd been afraid that he'd just fuck you and leave you soon after, using you only for sex, but he decided to cuddle with you and you were grateful just for that.

You counted in your head to 5, just letting yourself be in the moment, to feel him and feel yourself being pressed together just like that.

But it couldn't last forever no matter how much you wished for that.

\- How's that even happened? - this was more of a rhetorical question to this whole situation, so you didn't wait for him to answer that - I thought I'd never see you again and you just came back to visit me in the middle of the night wearing this sexy red suit and with your face painted... And you're Joker now? And you had keys? I doubt they just let you go in, so... you broke in here unnoticed, it's crazy. I...

\- Hey - he interrupted you taking your chin between his fingers to tilt your head up so he could look at you - I didn't come to visit you. I came **for** you.

He put a small kiss on the top of your head, hugging you tightly before he laid you back on the bed so he could stand up. You lifted yourself up on your elbows as you watched him fiddling with his clothes and for a moment you were afraid that he was going to dress up and leave, that maybe he felt offended by your talking, but his last words stuck in your head, making you question the very true reason for his visit.

\- For me? What do you mean?

He looked at you and quickly jumped onto the bed leaning over you. He kept one of his hand behind his back and he grinned at you just like he'd grinned before, after he'd told you he'd explain that to you later. So excited. So... mischievous.

You tried to crawl away from him, a sudden jolt of bad feeling overtook you, but he pushed you back with his mouth pressing onto yours, distracting you at the same time, and before you pushed back off him, you felt a sharp sting on your right arm. You broke the kiss as you looked at it scared already and you saw a syringe stick into your arm.

You couldn't believe your own eyes.

He'd fucking shoved the syringe into your arm and injected you something. You growled furious and you gathered all your strength to push him away, but he threw the syringe away and quickly grabbed your wrists, pinning you down to the bed.

\- The fuck Joker, what was that?! - you screamed at him, trying to free yourself from his grip, but he was surprisingly strong for his posture and seemed to hold you down without any effort - Let go off me!

\- Shhhh... Calm down, kitten, i don't wanna hurt you and I don't want you to hurt yourself - his voice was so calm and steady, contrary to your angry and scared one. His grin faded away replaced by a watchful and determined look on his face.

\- What did you do, you fucker, what...

You looked him in the eye and you felt weaker with every word escaping your lips. Your focus became blurry and dizziness increased rapidly, making your thoughts dispersed and your eyelids very heavy. You tried to fight it, to stay conscious, but you had no chance against strong chemicals. Your eyes were slowly closing.

\- Count to ten, darling.

His voice drifted far away from you, but at the same time you could hear him right inside your head.

_1..._

_2..._

_3..._

_4..._


	2. Chapter 2

Your conscious came back to you in a few big waves of the ocean, coming from the hallway, flooding the isolation room and every corner of it, not giving you any chance to escape. Your naked body was clung onto the bed when the final wave flooded you completely, forcing you to wake up before you drowned.

You snapped your eyes open and took a deep breath in to see if you could still breathing. Lucky you, you hand't drowned, you were still pretty much alive. You blinked to clear your vision and you saw your hand resting on a white pillow in front of your face, and a white sheets covering you up to your face. No water, no waves, no fucking clowns around you. You'd been right from the beginning, you'd been dreaming a sex dream that had turned into a nightmare.

You closed your eyes and slowly stretched your body. You felt a little sore, but you had a rough night, probably you'd been throwing yourself on the bed all night because of that clown. You didn't know what time was it, but you always waited for a nurse to wake you up to give you your morning medicines, there was no need to get up too early.

_I've got a great big bundle of love_

_And I have saved it all for you_

Music.

Someone put on a music... in your room?

_Ohh but I'm gonna demand a little favor_

_Honey let your loving be true_

No, no, no, no, no. You uncovered yourself and lifted up on your elbow. Looking anxiously at things around you, you saw a window with white curtains, a yellow-brown wallpaper and a brown rug under the bed. This wasn't your isolation room, this wasn't even the hospital.

Fuck.

You shifted and turned your head to the left to look what was behind you, where the music was coming from. You'd already gotten used to the dizziness sensation in your head, but now it was combined with a sickness and you had to stop moving to prevent yourself from vomiting.

\- I'm sorry for that... I really didn't mean to make you feel sick, it's just a side effect of the injection - a soft voice spoken from the other side of the room. The voice you already knew. The voice you'd last heard was in your head.

You shut your eyes for a moment to calm yourself down, to swallow a ball of fear growing inside your throat, and to tell yourself it wasn't as bad as it seemed, it couldn't be. And then you dare to look up. That part of the room that your eyes were examining now, was darker, the Sun couldn't reach out there, but you had no problem to spot Joker in his red suit, sitting in a green armchair, the painting on his face had been refreshed and he was playing with something small in his hand. Music was coming from an old school radio that was standing on a small wooden table next to the armchair.

\- But I had to - he continued his apology, though for you any apology with a but in it wasn't an apology at all. It was rationalization. He was trying to justify his actions, nothing else.

But he was talking and you were going to let him do that. That was giving you a time to think and maybe understand his reasoning.

\- There was going to be a riot out there in the hospital and I needed to get you out of there safe.

\- Riot? Really? - you raised your eyebrow, your voice came out flat with a hint of sarcasm, you didn't believe him and he wasn't surprised by that, though he seemed to be a little bit disappointed by the way he sighed and moved his hand through his hair. You snorted at that - Why didn't you just tell me that and let me leave this place on my own legs?

\- Because you couldn't have - he asserted with a sad smile - You don't believe me now, why would you've believed me then? - his voice cracked a bit at the end and you wonder whether he kept his distance to make an illusion of you being safe or maybe because he wanted to hide his face in the shadow, so you couldn't read his face expression more clearly.

\- And I knew - he continued with a more confident voice - that your anxiety wouldn't have let you leave the hospital or even the room.

He rotated that thing that he was holding and you heard a click, a small flame lighted up. He reached for a pack of cigarettes on the table and took one of it out, putting it between his lips and using the flame to light it up. He took a drag and looked at you in silence. For a while you both were just watching each other from the distance, you were carefully evaluating his words as he was calculating his next move.

_Oh tender love and much affection_

_Girl you never know what's in store for you_

Clouds of smoke left his mouth as he exhaled. You lifted yourself up, but you still felt sick and you knew you were in no condition to make any moves, not mention to even try and leave the bed.

Joker reached to the table again this time putting his hand on the radio to twist the control knob. The song cut off harshly and the station changed several times, switching through different news stations, before it stopped at one and he turned up the volume so you could hear it clearly. A woman, noticeably emotionally charged, was reporting the news.

\- _...Arkham State Hospital where the morning incident's mobilized the police force and the fire department to rush there and fight with the fire. Right now they're still trying to bring the situation under control. At 7 a.m. the fire reached the third floor and access there is straitened, we have no confirmed information about any people still being trapped inside the building. All we know from unofficial sources is that most of the patients had escaped before the fire started. We don't know how many and how dangerous they are to themselves and oth-_

With a quiet click the female voice stopped talking and suddenly you were surrounded by a deafening silence and the realization of what had happened there. The third floor is where the isolation room was. Your room. You'd been there just several hours ago and now this place was being consumed by fire. Tears filled your eyes as you realized you could have been dead by now, and you felt more sick than you'd been before. You covered your mouth with a hand to suppress the sickness in you but also to stop yourself from crying, and slid down on the bed, putting your head on the pillow as you wished you could just sink into the mattress and disappear.

You heard rushing movements and quick steps as Joker instantly got to you and sat on the bed, murmuring in a sweet tone of his voice that everything was going to be okey and that you were safe now. His hand brushed the hair off your forehead and stroke your cheek, and you saw a single tear falling down from his eye. It mixed with the blue paint, and it followed down the long trickle already formed on his cheek. Had he been crying before? That was the reason he'd been sitting in the darkness?

You let out a little sob, but you swallowed down the need to cry. You slowly uncovered your mouth and licked your dry lips.

\- You saved my life... Thank you - your voice sounded more like a whisper, but he heard you and smiled, blinking away more tears from his eyes.

\- I would never let anything bad happen to you, my angel.

He leaned down and kissed your forehead, his hot cigarette breath puffed against your skin.

\- You need to rest now - he said as he looked down at you - I will leave you for now, but I promise I'll get back to you later, I have some things to take care off first.

You nodded and with that given confirmation from you, he could leave the room with less worries in his head. He wished he could stay with you, tell you everything, tell you the truth right away, tell you how much he'd missed you and that what he'd done had been done for you, to show you that he could take care of you and protect you now, so you could be with him and away from the cruel and evil-intentioned people of Gotham, that nothing was going to hurt you anymore.

But that wasn't the right time to do that, to say anything more than _everything's going to be alright_ and to hope that you were going to believe that.

He had to do it right, otherwise, you'd hate him and everything he'd been working on would be destroyed in a blink of an eye.

He closed the door and quietly so you wouldn't hear, he turned the key to lock them.

You rolled to your left side and glanced at the radio. Your head started to hurt as you tried to gather the pieces of information you had and come to some logical conclusion. It was difficult, almost pointless, like having to put pieces of puzzle together when you had no picture of how it supposed to look like and you missed the important ones, like: why Arthur claimed to be Joker now and how did he know about the fire and what had happened in the hospital? There were more questions than answers and you hated to be left in the dark.

You rubbed your eyes and gave up on thinking. Your head slowly turned on its own radio station as your memory picked up the song that had been playing some minutes ago. You'd heard it before and even remember the lyrics to it. And even though It was just a random song from the radio, you didn't know why, but somehow the lyrics spoke to your subconscious mind giving you an impression like there was some **creepy** meaning hidden in it. And it made you shiver in dread.

_Oh my darlin I love you  
You don't know how much I doo ooo_

_Except my great big bundle of love  
And you're gonna see_


	3. Chapter 3

Despite your best effort, you couldn’t just stop thinking and rest there, and you couldn’t nor wanted to stay in the bed that wasn’t even yours. So after 5 or 10 minutes that you had given yourself to pull yourself together, you slowly lifted yourself up and threw the sheets away from you. Your brain gave you a little spin inside your skull, but it didn’t cause you any turbulence in your stomach, and your vision was clear and sharp, so you were good for now. Good to go, good to leave this place. ~~To leave Joker.~~

You looked down at yourself and saw that you were back in your PJ’s and you could feel sticky wetness between your legs. The leftovers from the very unexpected but also surprisingly good sex that had happened like… 30 minutes ago? Few hours ago? You didn’t know, you lost track of time. You needed a shower, but washing your body and finding clean clothes wasn’t your priority right now.

Slowly getting out of bed, you fixed your stare at the door as your exit to freedom. Joker left, that was what he’d said to you and you hoped that he’d meant leaving the flat, not only that room.

God knew what kind of things he had to take care of. And what he really did now that he’d become Joker. And what he planned to do to _you_. But you knew, it wasn’t the right time to think about it. The only thing that kept your mind occupied was your escaping plan. Getting out of this place was your goal now, and then probably heading back to your old apartament was the next step you would take.

Or maybe getting the hell out of Gotham would be a better idea.

You felt a little tingling in your feet as you put them on a carpet and stiffness in your legs muscles, but you were already determined to get to the door. You covered the distance between you and your freedom, step by step, reaching out your hand to touch the door-handle. Your fingers curled around it as you pushed it down and pulled the door towards you.

The door didn’t move the slightest.

You tried again, this time you pushed the door-handle down and pushed the door too. Still nothing.

_Fuck._

You should have foreseen you’d be locked up. Joker **had** foreseen that you’d want to get away and had used the key to hold you down. And you were naive enough to believe, he wouldn’t have done that. You turned your head around and glanced at the window. Maybe? It was pointless probably, but you rushed to it anyway, hoping for a way out. But just as you thought, after you took a look outside, it was too high for you to use that way of escape. You walked back to the door and tried one more time, pushing and pulling, pulling and pushing, before you hit against the door with your open palm, frustrated and disappointed.

And then, as you were about to think of a way to break it down with something, you heard some noises from the other side of the door. Your eyes went wide opened as you realized that Joker probably **was still** in the flat. You only had hoped before that he’d leave, but apparently you were wrong about it too. He had heard you struggling to get out of the room and then hitting the door, like an angry bratty child that couldn’t accept the fact that she was grounded. And now Joker was turning the key and opening the door to catch you trying to escape.

You took a few long steps back, away from the door… Actually you kind of _jumped_ back as the door opened and Joker came inside, his eyes found you standing in front of him. You swallowed a lump in your throat, as he slowly shook his head, showing his disapproval to you.

\- Tsk, babydoll, didn’t I tell you to stay in bed and get some rest?

You looked at his painted face and it didn’t tell you much, if anything, about his emotions. Was he angry? Or maybe sad? Was he going to force you to go back to bed or just turn away and lock you again? You couldn’t tell. You had a glimpse in his dark green eyes though that he might be a bit _disappointed_ with you. And it made your hands curl into small fists. He was _disappointed_ that **you** didn’t want to do what you’d been told. That **you** didn’t want to play his game. Like it was something you’d agreed to. You realized your frustration didn’t go away, it had just turned now into anger and you had to remind yourself to stay calm for your own good, and pretend you hadn’t been trying to get away at all.

\- I just… - you started with a flat voice, avoiding eye contact with him - I’m looking for… A bathroom. I need to… you know, wash myself.

You pulled your head up and looked at him. It wasn’t a lie, not _precisely_. You did need a shower and in different circumstances, you’d be looking for a bathroom right now. He blinked and shook his head again, this time in bafflement.

\- Right, shit, I’m sorry. Of course you need a shower. I’ll show you where it is.

He chuckled to himself and moved aside to let you go ahead of him. You passed him and left the room, taking a quickly look around living room you found yourself in. The design was quite the same, fitting the bedroom style, few covered up windows, a sofa, TV, a table… but what interested you the most, was an exit door. And your eyes landed on them just before Joker led you to the bathroom. You walked in and he stayed politely outside, sending you a smile that you returned, hoping it didn’t look forced. You closed the door and sighed in realization that you had to play his game for now, whatever the rules were. But just for a while, you consoled yourself, before you got a chance to run through another door.

You removed your top and looked at yourself in the mirror. You had bags under your eyes and your hair was a mess. You spotted a few hickeys on your neck and you couldn’t help but wonder how the hell had that happened. Despite the whole situation, you still remembered Arthur from the therapy sessions. You still had that image of him, being a shy, timid boy, caring so much about his mother, struggling with depression and trying to be a good person.

Arthur wouldn’t hurt a fly, and he still was there, under that makeup and outfit, under the new name. You strongly believed in that, cause that was your hope. Hope that things would turn out fine and that hope helped you be relatively calm and keep the anger in check.

You heard two knocks and Joker’s voice broke through the door.

\- May I? I’ve brought you clean clothes.

You grabbed your shirt to cover yourself and slightly opened the door. Joker was standing there, his head lowered down, but his eyes moved up immediately at you when you appeared through a crack. He handed you the folded clothes and you take them with one hand as your other was holding the shirt to cover your breast. Just before you closed the door, you could see him smirking as he looked directly at your boobs. He didn’t say anything, neither did you, but it was _obscenely_ clear that he had flashbacks to when he’d had access to your nipples with his hands and mouth.

You quickly closed the door and leaned your back against them. That smirk of his and his lustful eyes were as much luring as dangerous. You could feel inside your body how those flashbacks and his presence effected you, and you could assume the same effect took hold on him too. And that’s why you just knew that Joker would take a chance to fuck you in the bathroom, if you only had let him stare at you a bit longer.

You shook your head to get rid of any thoughts you had of him and the things he did to you, as you began to take off your pants and started a shower. Warm water soon enveloped your body, making you relax at least, and you took your time to enjoy that moment of peace and silent.

* * *

You hesitated for some time, as you stood before the door, wearing the clothes Joker had given you. A midi black dress, that wasn’t really your style, but at least it was your size. You finished doing everything and anything that woman could do in bathroom, just to steal some time. You delayed taking any action, cause you were afraid of what was awaiting for you. You wasn’t quite ready to get out of the bathroom and face the clown and whatever it was that he wanted from you.

\- Y/N?

It was the second time he called your name and you heard him standing just outside the bathroom, and the tone of his voice changed a bit, from less asking to more demanding.

You couldn’t temporize any longer.

You sighed and opened the door, facing him one more time, as you smiled at him apologetically, speaking to him with an innocent voice.

\- Sorry, it took me so long.

He looked at you as his eyes went down, admiring how the black dress looked on you.

\- You look v-very pretty - his voice cracked a bit, low and a bit insecure, and for a moment you saw the old Arthur breaking through the clown persona.

\- Thank you, it’s a beautiful dress - you said nodding your head slightly.

His eyes softened as he smiled at you and gestured his hand to the living room. You moved there, taking a deeper breath in as you sensed something being… burnt? Food being burnt as you realized in a second. That was weird. Was he cooking? He noticed your puzzlement and this time it was him looking at you apologetically as you glanced at him in consternation.

\- I was cooking a dinner for us as a surprise for you, and I’ve accidentally burnt the chicken. But don’t worry, it’s not totally black, only a little underneath, I think it’s still eatable - he said quickly, chuckling a little at his own clumsiness.

You raised your eyebrows, even more puzzled than before. You thought he had been saying that he’d had some important things to do. You’d assumed it had had nothing to do with you, but as you looked around at the set table: two plates, two glasses, bottle of wine and some food, you did realize to your surprise, that he had been preparing a date.

For you.

_A Date._

Not quite what you were ready for, though it could explain why he’d given you a black dress to wear.

You raised your hand and tucked your hair behind your ear. You considered how many and what options did you have for this. Not many, really, you thought. The only way out of this, was to play along. You moved to the table and Joker moved after you, pulling out a chair for you to sit. You did so and you could felt your heart beating faster in your chest. You didn’t know why exactly. Was it the adrenaline rush? An anticipation for a chance to get to that door? _Actually_ being excited for a date with Joker?

This was complicated. On many levels. You did like Arthur and you did feel some chemistry between you and Joker. But there was something not right to say the least. You barely knew Arthur and Joker seemed to be a different person version of him that you didn’t know at all. His intentions were like riddles to you to solve. and his actions were totally unpredictable but what he was doing was intriguing you at the same time. Crazy was the right word for this. After all he’d **kidnapped** you for a **date**.

You knew as he sat across you chuckling nervously, that this was going to be a minefield to walk on. But if you played it right, Joker might led you through it completely safe and unharmed.

Probably.


	4. Chapter 4

_Tick_

_Tock_

_Tick_

_Tock_

The old clock on the wall was slowly ticking away seconds of the silence that filled the space between you and Joker, despite the music that was playing in the background. _The way you look tonight_ by Frank Sinatra.

You were repeatable moving your hand up and down above your plate, stuffing the food into your mouth and chewing it quietly as you were trying to enjoy the risotto that he’d made for you. Yea, the chicken was burnt a little, but the rest of it was eatable and even tasty. You only wished, that you weren’t so diligently observed by the clown while you were eating.

Who wasn’t eating himself, by the way. The food was on his plate too, but for some strange reason he rather watched you eating instead. And to make it even weirder you could feel as he watched every single move that you were doing, with your hands, with your body, with your mouth, even with your eyes as if he was making notes about you or memorizing you.

You decided not to look at him, just pretending you had a dinner with yourself, totally not blushing, not at all. But his eyes were almost burning your skin to your bones, like small lasers burning up the way all over your body, wherever they landed.

And sometimes they landed on your breast, the part that the cleavage of the black dress exposed. It reminded you that you didn’t have a bra. Nor an underwear.

You crossed your legs, you couldn’t stand it anymore. You glanced up at him and he instantly looked down at his hands murmuring an apology.

It went like that for some time, he didn’t start a conversation and neither did you, for you didn’t even know what you could say. It was a date to him obviously, but to you it was more of a dinner with a strange clown in his apartment. Something fucked up and if you let yourself think about it, fucking hilarious as well.

You grabbed the glass of wine he’d poured for you both and took two, three, four sips. He watched you drinking too, but that didn’t make you feel uncomfortable. You had no problem with drinking alcohol in front of someone.

Though you had a little problem with the spoon he’d given you to eat the risotto. It was weird at first, eat the rice with a spoon, but then you’d realized it was out of precaution not giving you a fork or a knife to use.

You washed the food down your throat with the wine and looked at him. He caught your gaze right away and smiled at you.

It was this kind of genuine, shy, lovely first-date-ish smile that almost melted your heart. He looked so… chuffed, so excited and clearly nervous. You couldn’t help, but smiled too.

\- Do you like it? - he asked and you nodded

\- Yea, the wine is good.

\- And dinner?

\- Also good.

\- And music?

You glanced at the player and nodded again.

\- Sure, I like Sinatra.

\- I know.

_He knows._

You took another sip of the wine and licked your lips.

\- You didn’t eat anything. Or drink - you pointed out the obvious as you put down the glass.

\- I’m not that hungry - he shrugged and you could hear his leg bouncing under the table. You recognized it, it was his nervous tic. On group sessions he’d often tried to suppress it, but it had rarely worked for long.

It reminded you of your own ways to deal with stress and anxiety, that he was probably familiar with.

\- Then at least drink with me. Don’t let the lady sip the wine alone.

\- Right, sorry, I’m just… - he paused as he took the bottle to refill your glass - I’m not… I’ve never been on a date before, I’m not sure what to do.

You raised your eyebrow in disbelief, but after second thought, you weren’t surprised that much. He hadn’t talked much if anything about his love life on group sessions. You’d assumed that, yes, he most likely had problems with dating, and maybe this topic had been too private to him to bring it up in front of the people. But you didn’t think that he’d _never_ dated anyone before.

Some pieces of puzzle suddenly fell into place.

You took your glass and raised it up, sending him a small encouraging smile. You could help him a bit with that.

\- You can, for example raise a toast.

He got your message and repeated after you, as he took his glass in hand and lifted it up, clinking it with yours.

\- For our first date - he said smiling and you both withdrew your glasses to take a swig.

You put down the glass and so did he. He licked his lips and so did you.

You shook off the thought of how responsive you were to each other.

\- You can also compliment your date, which you already did when you said I looked pretty.

\- _Very_ pretty - he corrected you, emphasizing the first word with a serious look on his face. You broke the eye contact with him as you glanced down on your plate to quickly recollect your thoughts.

Damn, how easily he could make you blush.

\- And you can… - you started again trying to figure out the next thing one could do on a date. Your fingers began tapping on the table next to your plate - ummm…

Before you figured out your sentence, he moved his hand towards you and brushed his fingers with yours. You locked your eyes on his hand and watched as it slowly climbed on top of yours. His hand was warm and a little sweaty and his fingers gently caressed your skin.

\- Can I do something like that?

His question came to your ears in a strangely low and erotic tone, even though the gesture itself was more comforting than sexual.

How the hell could he be so shy in one moment and so freaking daring in another?

You nodded and parted your lips. Your eyes wandered back to his face and for a while you looked each other in the eye. You could swear that in that moment the air around you electrified with tangible tension.

And while you began searching for a way to release it, to say something that break the silence, Joker helped you out by coming up with a question for you.

\- Why don’t cannibals eat clowns?

\- What? - you blinked confused.

\- I asked why don’t cannibals eat clowns? - he repeated patiently with a soft tone.

\- Ummm, I don’t know, why? - you furrowed your brows, still confused.

\- Because they taste funny.

He giggled and you too, though you didn’t get it at first. What came out of your mouth was a nervous laugh instead. You got the joke after you processed the answer in your head. So focused you were on his hand still on yours. This big, veiny hand with those slender fingers…

He was still giggling and you too, though your eyes were fixed on his hand and your mind on the memories from the hospital room.

\- And you know what a clown like you can eat? - you asked him before you stopped yourself from saying it loud.

\- No, what?

You glanced at him surprised by the words escaping your mouth. You wanted to take them back, but it was too late to bite your tongue. It was an impuls. A thing that you had in your mind and foolishly had decided to make it as a point of your joke.

\- Me.

You gulped hard as you kept your face straight, waiting for his reaction.

_Please, don’t get it, please don’t get it, please don’t get it, pleasedon’tgetit…_

His lips spread out in a big grin and he giggled at that, though his giggling was low, more quiet than before. The hand that was rested on yours shifted a bit as his fingers slowly wrapped around your wrist. He raised himself off his chair and leaned forward, closer to you. You could feel his hot breath on your face as his dark green eyes burnt a hole in your soul.

\- So you’re telling me that I can _eat_ you?


End file.
